In life, we wear many hats. I’ve been a coach, an academic, a director, a producer, an entertainer, a people pleaser, a father, a husband, a brother, and a Black man in America. Each of these roles has shaped my journey, but if there’s one lesson that has resonated across all these experiences, it’s this: living a truly fulfilling life starts with understanding and honoring your core values. It involves being rooted in who you are internally so that the roles you play are affected by you and that you don't "code-switch" to meet the requirements of a particular role.
Think of core values as the North Star in the night sky, guiding you through life’s twists and turns. Core values are the constants that help you steer your ship, even when the seas get rough. In my book, Autonomous Leadership, I delve into how core values form the foundation for authentic leadership and how leading yourself begins first with knowing what truly matters to you. Yet, the journey for identifying values isn’t just for leaders; it’s for anyone who wants to enjoy a life grounded in purpose and integrity.
What Are Core Values?
Core values are the principles that define who you are at your core. They are the beliefs and priorities that guide your actions, inform decisions, and shape your relationships. When we live in alignment with our values, we feel a sense of authenticity and clarity that’s hard to find otherwise. And when we stray from these values, we often feel uneasy, as if something essential is out of place.
Why Identifying Core Values Matters
Knowing your core values isn’t just a mental exercise; it’s an act of self-empowerment. With a clear sense of your values, you can make choices as opposed to decisions. Choices resonate with your true self—even when things are difficult or go against the grain. Decisions often require us to go against ourselves in favor of the consequences or priorities of the moment. By understanding our values, we can build stronger, more meaningful relationships. when we come from a place of honesty and integrity, or environment begins to reflect who we are at our core.
I’ve seen how transformative this understanding can be in my work with many of my clients. When people take the time to identify their core values, they become more intentional about their actions. They begin to create lives that are uniquely theirs, that reflect their highest priorities, and fulfill them on a deeper level.
Steps to Discover Your Core Values
If you’re new on your journey of self-discovery, here are some practical steps to help you begin uncovering your own guiding principles:
Reflect on Key Life Moments: Think back to moments when you felt deeply fulfilled or especially proud of a decision. What values were present in those moments? Conversely, consider times when you felt disappointed or out of alignment. Often, these feelings point to values that were ignored or compromised. Why did you make those decisions? What was the key contributing factor?
Identify People You Admire: Sometimes, we see our values reflected in others. Who do you admire, and what about them resonates with you? Is it their honesty, resilience, or compassion? Observing qualities in others can be a powerful clue to discovering our own values.
Make a List of Core Qualities: Start writing down words that resonate with you—things like integrity, creativity, courage, or compassion. Then, narrow down your list by identifying the values that are non-negotiable, the ones that you couldn’t imagine living without.
Test Your Values in Everyday Life: Once you’ve identified your values, practice making choices that align with them. This can be as simple as reflecting on a recent decision and asking, “Did this choice reflect my core values?” If not, consider how you might approach similar situations differently in the future. Does your spouse or intimate partner reflect your core values? If not, why are you with them?
The Power of Living by Your Values
Living by your values isn’t easy at first. In the beginning, making value-led choices is hard. It often requires you to stand your ground or go against societal expectations. But when you live in alignment with your values, you begin to experience a sense of peace and authenticity like never before. Your life takes on new meaning. You can sense and immediately identify your unique purpose. Relationships deepen, and what were once decisions made on the weighted outcome of variables become choices that feel more grounded, and you start to inspire others to seek their own truth.
A Reflection Exercise
As you embark on this journey, here’s a small exercise that I find valuable: Take a few moments to reflect on a recent decision you made. Did it align with your core values? If not, how might you have approached it differently? Conscious reflection helps you build self-awareness and encourages you to make more intentional choices. Intentional choices create the life you want to live in the present, and you get to stop "hoping" and "dreaming" about the way things should be because you now control the way things are.
Closing Thoughts
Your core values are more than just words on a page; they are the compass guiding you toward your true north. By identifying and living by these values, you create a life of purpose, fulfillment, and integrity. Perhaps the best part is that when you live authentically, you inspire others to do the same. As we continue this journey together, I invite you to discover the power of core values for yourself. Autonomous Leadership offers more insights into leading a values-driven life and guidance and clarity on how to develop the courage to begin honoring what matters to you most.
Set a timer for 5 minutes and write down the current values that are guiding your decision-making process. Are you making decisions or choices?
Comments